Well it has been a while since I let you all know the status of my BiL. Back at the end of April we finally got him out of the hospital and into our house. It took a while but the zombie actions started to disappear. Finally getting some actual stimulation seemed to help a bit. He was also enrolled in an out-patient program which I was sure he would just hate, since a big bulk of it (of ALL these crappy programs) is group therapy. I don’t know who decided that group therapy works, because for many people it just does nothing. Especially for my BiL.
It’s now almost October so I am going to nutshell all this for you. It’s a long read, and depressing.
May consisted of him seeing a doctor and a therapist once, ONCE, and getting a resupply of meds. He also went to the outpatient classes 5 days a week. I drove him there and wife picked him up. Slight improvement in attitude, most days seems like a normal human. Endless bitching about the therapy. “it’s stupid, I’m not doing that.” was a common phrase from him.
For most of this month it was a repeat of May. BiL went to his classes and bitched endlessly. I figured that if he was expressing anger here at least he was alive. We had a few days where he would forget to take his pills despite us nagging him so we give him crap about that. We can’t sit there and force them down his throat.
Just after the 4th, Mike decides to go rogue. I dropped him off at the outpatient one day and for some reason I stayed around and watched him go not only into the building but enter the elevators. Then I went to work. An hour later I get a call from the wife. It seems that the idiot waited until I left, and then he just walked out. One of the other patients, a young girl, who was driving themselves saw him walking on the road and stopped to see if he needed help or a ride. He said no and kept walking. This poor girl was apparently crying by the time she got to the classes and told them of seeing BiL walking down the street like a zombie and she was afraid he was going to hurt himself. I drove first to my BiL’s house, then reverse drove the most likely walking route he would take if he were to go from there to his own house. Mrs. TPoP was going to go from our house to the clinic and look for him that way. I arrived at the clinic and did not see him so I went inside to check and make sure he didn’t show up on his own. Inside I saw the girl who saw him and she was indeed crying. I tried to comfort her that we would find him and stuff and chatted with his doc for a few minutes. While doing that, Mrs. TPoP called and said she sees him, walking on the street, almost to our house. I hang up and tell the doc I am going to get him. I also ask him to let the girl know he was found OK, since she was so distressed. Of course there was no explanation from BiL, just that he didn’t want to be there anymore, it sucked, etc. This led to me yelling at him so loud and blue that it almost peeled the paint from my walls. The rest of the month was not a good one as I was the biggest ass towards him when it came to taking pills, getting his butt out of bed and going to bed at a normal time. He wants to act like a pre-teen, I’ll treat him that way.
This was the big backslid month. BiL has been blowing off his doctor appointments, all while telling us he went. Taking pills but we find them next to his bed downstairs. I can only force him to do things so much. About mid month things suddenly start to go missing. We are trying to go somewhere for my birthday and my cell phone and money clip are missing! We just saw them an hour ago, can’t find them. We go on anyway figuring we would find them. 2 days later son #2 is in the basement looking for an old game thing and he finds my clip and phone, along with my spare car key, spare truck key and wife’s apple watch (all things we didn’t even realize were missing!) hiding in the bin, that just happened to be next to BiL’s bed. WTF? We don’t say anything to him but decide we need to keep an eye on him. 2 days later, son #2 comes downstairs complaining that his internet was paused. We looked up online and sure enough, all his stuff was paused. So we unpaused it. two hours later, as I am going out the back door, I thought I saw on the TV screen the words ‘pause all’. BiL was in there watching a Cubs game. Sure enough, I get outside and internet stops working. The bastard paused it all. We immediately confronted him on it and he says he didn’t do anything. Actually sounds sincere in his belief that he didn’t do anything. OK, this is getting a little scary now. Many words later he is still convinced we are making stuff up. End of August comes and he is now refusing to even come out of the basement. He hasn’t taken pills in over a week, missed more appointments and is getting worse. For a whole weekend he doesn’t come upstairs, not even to eat. Wife goes down to try and make him come up and he is just laying there ignoring her entirely. So when I get home we talk and decide he has 3 things that can happen. So we go downstairs and give him his choices. He can either go with us voluntarily to the hospital since he isn’t well, he can leave on his own and go back to his house, we are done, or I can call the police and have him arrested for trespasing. He says fine, take me to the hospital, and off we go.
We spent 8 hours in the hospital. Now we were in the special rooms for the mental case. What the hell is it with them that they keep you there WAITING for 8 damn hours, and there is ZERO stimulation. No TV, radio, magazines and no cell coverage. Just silence while you wait. I thought I was going to go crazy just waiting. In the end, they refused to admit him because he says all the right things and they say he isn’t a danger to him self or others. We tell him fine, but he isn’t coming home. He looked shocked and complained that his stuff was at our house and we said we’ll take care of that. So when we got back we packed his crap up and threw it in his car. Bye. My wife is devastated.
For this month many things have happened. I started going there making sure he was getting up on time. He was supposed to go back to work on that Tuesday. He never called in. I get there he is still in bed, never got up or anything. I yell, as I am prone to do, but in a more measured way. I told him I would be there the next day at 8 am. If he wasn’t awake i was going to drag him out of bed by the feet. He was going to log into his computer and go to work. I get there and he was actually awake (although I think he still had not showered) and I stayed there until he logged in and (supposedly) called the boss. I had to go to work so I left. An hour later I find out from wife he did NOT log in and call boss. So I went back and texted wife to have boss call HIM right now while I was there. Phone rings and just completely ignores it. I tell him to answer it and he finally does, logs in while I am there and then I go. Next day, no BiL. Still in bed, won’t get up, I literally dragged him out of the bed, he climbed back in. I go downstairs and check things, still isn’t taking meds, but says he is. Fast forward this one a bit, he is now fired from his job and about to lose his insurance. He has no food in his house and we aren’t taking him any. The only reason he still has electric is because we are grabbing his mail and paying his bills. Then last week I get a call on my cell from BiL. No answer on the other line. So on a Monday I am out making deliveries so I rush over there and no answer at the door. Call wife and she got the same thing. A call but no answer on the line. So I go back to the store where I have a key to his place in my car and we both go there and check on him. We walk in and I scream his name and it turns out he is sitting on the couch in a tshirt and his undies. He says he didn’t call but we are not believing him, especially after the internet crap and all the missing things. So we leave. For the next day the calls just keep coming. Ring and nobody there. Tuesday afternoon I got a bit mad so I went to his place and grabbed the phone from the couch and slammed it on top of the fridge. He looked at me kind of pissed and I yelled that he needs to keep his hands off his phone unless he actually needs help, otherwise I would come back and take or break it. He just laid back down on the couch. BTW, he was stil in the same tshirt and undies from earlier in the week. Wednesday comes and not only is he crank calling me and wife, but his boss, co workers, uncle and brother in South Carolina. So we had his phone turned off. he is on our family plan so we just reported it lost and they shut it off. Thursday and Friday were soooo quiet. Then Saturday morning I get a call from his neighbor. it seems that he discovered that even in lost mode his phone will call 911, so the asshole called 911, three time. I go there and just take the phone off his lap, cal him an asshole and leave.
Fast forward to the next week, we find out from his boss that he is officially fired. He asks wife to get his laptop, printer etc since he will probably just blow that request off. We say sure. We plan on going there Thursday and getting that stuff and checking on him. So Thursday I come home from work, and there is my BiL, sitting on my porch. In a tshirt and his underwear. Oh, and no shoes or socks. Says he just decided to go for a walk to ‘get some motion going’. Seven times we specifically asked him if he wanted help or wanted to go to the hospital. All seven he said no. I am not taking him there again if he doesn’t want to go just to have him released 8 hours later, $10,000 poorer. We end up driving him back home, collecting his bills and showing him his letter saying he is fired. He just shrugged. When asked what he as gonna do he just shrugged. When asked how he was gonna pay his bills he just shrugged. We asked him to get the work stuff the boss listed he went downstairs and came up with a laptop. No printer, phone, or even cords for the laptop. So we gathered what we could and left. We also gave him his phone back, with all the numbers but ours deleted. Maybe he will call for help. Probably not. The next day, wife and I got about 7 or 8 calls each, no answer on the other end.
The big problem here is the types of treatment available. What he needs just isn’t there and not sure it legally could be. He needs somebody to MAKE him get up and shower, MAKE him take his meds, eat food, be human, take meds and go to bed at a normal time. But what kind of nursing care company or care facility will do that? When we realized how crappy the hospitals were we looked at the resort-type places. For $30,000 a month you can go there and get horseback riding and ‘individualized care’. When you read further it is more of the same crap. Group therapy and a doctor maybe once a week. Those would be a waste of time and money for BiL as he was an asshole before all this, he would still refuse to do most stuff. Over the last few weeks we have been researching these types of places again and found one a little different. It is longer term with most people staying up to 6 months. At a cost of $50k for the first 2 months! For that cost they better be giving him silk sheets, 5 star dining and a doc visit every damn day. What we need is someone to move in with him and make him to hat stuff. Hell, for $7 or $8k a month, anyone need a job? Can move in, buy food and make BiL do stuff.
Things don’t look good right now. He is not wanting help, what little help we can find is prohibitively expensive and may not work. I feel like shit, thinking I could do more, but realizing he won’t let me. Feel selfish because in my mind I am pissed at him hindering my ability to move out of this shitty state and he seems to be occupying just about every damn weekend. And feel helpless because it ultimately has to come from him on a base level before anything can happen. I am not confident that it will happen. People, me included, can complain about our mental health system all they want. Most of it is deserved. But what other options are out there? Be well everyone. And if you are a prayer, please pray for my brother in law.