Birthday, 2019

Today is posting day and also happens to be my birthday!  Woo hoo! Later this afternoon I will get my birthday call from my parent, like they do every year.  See my post from last year if you don’t know what I mean. https://wordpress.com/post/thepissedoffprinter.wordpress.com/836
So another year older, and I feel it in every inch of my body.  My wrists hurt from being on the computer most days.  My thighs hurt from sitting but my feet hurt from standing.  I just can’t sin on that front.  I weigh way more than I should, have way less hair than I want and maybe the last few months have been tired way more than I usually am. My mind is still in my 20’s wanting to do stuff, but the rest of me says not so fast.
As an example, I went with my boys last weekend to a rented house in Wisconsin to celebrate my oldest son’s  birthday.  On one of the days there we went to this lake to hang out.  At this lake, there was a huge slide that launches you in the air into the water.  Of COURSE I did it.  And when my 260 lbs hit the water of COURSE I felt that.  It took several minutes to catch my breath, but was fun.  Next up was the obstacle course floating on the water. Not sure if that is the correct name for whatever that was but that is the best way to describe it.  So I swim out to the thing and try to climb up.  There IS a step, but only one step and nothing to grab a hold of to pull yourself up.  5 minutes later I am out of the water and out of breath, again! Once I regained my composure I looked at the challenges awaiting me.  To the left there was what looked like an American Ninja challenge.  Instead of a flat mat floating on the water, there were 4 or 5 bars, maybe a foot across, with about 2 feet of open space between them.  Thankfully my body overruled my brain and said ‘I’m not doing that. I’ll hit the first one, left foot goes left, right foot goes right, both knees go pop!’. So undaunted I look to the right.  There in front of me was a hill.  I could see all of the kids trying to run up the hill, and failing.  Every one fell flat on their faces and some fell off to one of the sides.  Yeah, I’m not gonna do that one either.  With the way I can see everyone’s feet slipping, I will just hurt myself.  Body is 2-0 vs brain so far!
Last direction to look had one of those launcher-things.  I know you have seen them, I just can’t describe them.  One person climbs out onto one end and someone else jumps on the other end to launch them into the air.  Well this was way smaller one than you usually see in videos but I still figured why not!  So I got son #1 to go onto the end and the plan was for me to jump on the end and send him flying.  So out the end he goes while I try and get ready to launch him. Big mistake.  First off, the ledge you jump from is about 3 feet higher than where you are standing.  There are also NO STEPS to getting up there, so I have to climb my fatass up this ledge.  Once up, the ledge again is maybe 18″ across.  So here you have a 53 year old fat guy with bad knees and wet feet trying to stand up on an 18″ inflatable ledge with wet feet and it is moving around from everyone else on the other pieces and waves of the water.  Let’s just say that son #1 did NOT launch, as instead of me jumping out and launching him, I slipped and fell face first onto the very back end, causing son to just dribble off the end and me roll off the thing and float on my back in humiliation.  Son #2 yells down “You OK dad?”.  I just replied “leave me here, I’ll float away in my despair…”.
I ended the day paddling around the lake in a kayak. I was at least able to do that without hurting myself.  Body won the battles 2-1, but brain won the war with my face plant into the water. (Cue Toby Keith music for Good as I Once Was)  Happy birthday to me.

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