It never changes…

Recently we got an online job order from Urusla.  The online form has spaces for all your contact information then a box to tell us what you want along with a prompt to upload your artwork. So I come in last Monday and get an online order form that has all the contact info filled out but no instructions and no file.  Hmm.  So Bossman takes that one to start and here is the entire exchange.

Hi Urusla and thanks for contacting us.  There seems to be no instructions or file attached with this order.  Please forward your artwork and instructions as soon as you can and we’ll get your project going right away.  Thanks!

The next day we get a return email that is simply a jpeg of what appears to be an 8.5″ x 11″ flyer.  No instructions, just the file.  So he again replies:

We received your file this morning.  It appears to be a flyer.  We would need to know what you would like us to do with this flyer.  How many would you like, what paper and so on.  Please let us know when you can.  At the end of that day we get a return email that simply says “I need event tickets, numbered and perfed, 2000.”  OK, at least we know what they want.  Not sure how they are going to get that with a huge file.  Then Bossman had to leave as his father is very ill and asked me if I could finish it.  Sure, why not.  So here is what I send back:

Hi Ursula, my name is TPP.  Bossman had to leave for a family emergency and asked me to take care of this for you.  I see the attached file and that you want concert tickets, numbered and perfed. We can make tickets like that, however i cannot do anything with the file you sent.  being a jpeg I can’t pick and choose parts of it to make fit into a ticket format.  We have 3 standard sizes for tickets like this.

2 x 7 with a 1.5 stub
2.75 x 5.5 with a 1.5 stub
2.75 x 6 with a 2.5 stub (only available in non-glossy stock)
If you need for us to make that picture fit into one of those sizes I am afraid that we cannot do it. If you have some of the individual pieces used ( Tye’s picture, the logo, etc.) we can make something that works.  If you just want text and perhaps a color scheme that matches, we can do that do. Once we know what we have to work with graphics-wise I can get you a price before we do anything.  If you decide to have us proceed we’ll create a proof for you and print one out here for you to see.  We would then need for you to OK the proof before we can go forward with printing and need a deposit at that time.  You are looking at 3-4 days max once the artwork is approved for printing. 
I’ll be here until 5 today or most of the day tomorrow if you have any questions.  I will be on a phone conference from 11 to about noon, otherwise I will be here.  Thanks.
The next morning I get a very simple reply.  “2X7 with a 1.5 stub”   Not one peep about what she wants on it or the pieces needed to make it.
OK Urusla, what am I putting on that size ticket?  I can’t make that file fit as is. If you only want text I need to know exactly what information you want on the ticket and/or the pieces to add.

That’s pretty plain, right?  WTF do you want on it and send me the pieces to put on it!  Alas reading comprehension seems to not be Urusla’s string point. She gets part of it correct, sending this:

1. The picture of the artist
2. The time of the concert
However she sent none of the pieces needed. Remember I told her twice now that I can’t use what she had sent. Let’s try this ONE MORE TIME!
Great!  Now all I need is the picture of the artist and the logo so I can make you a beautiful ticket for your event.  please send files of JUST those items as I cannot remove them from what you previously sent.  A high quality jpeg, png will work, and eps or pdf would be better.  If you have the pieces the layout will run $40 and the printing would run $250. Thanks.
2 days later and we still have not heard anything from Urusla.  So I email one more time asking if she has the pieces we need in order to create her entry tickets.  No reply.  Then Friday morning I get a call from a woman asking if her print job is ready.  As usually, people seem to assume I am a f*cking mind reader or something and believe that I don’t need to know who they are in order to know what they want.  So I eventually get her name and of course, it is Urusla.  So I shake my head and calmly tell her that since she has not given us any of the pieces necessary to design her ticket, they are not ready.  This is all on her. She says “What do you mean?” At this point I can see Bossman standing there listening to me so I cover the handset and say “she said what do I mean?”  He just busts out laughing and says that he was glad to have pushed her off on me.  I flip him off and get back to the phone call. “Ursula, I told you at least 3 times that I cannot create what you wanted from what you have already sent.  I asked  you specifically for the pieces needed to do what you wanted.  YOU (I emphasized that) did not send me those so I cannot create what you want. So your tickets are not ready.”
There is a long silence on the other end and I am just beginning to think she hung up when she starts sobbing “I gotta have these today, I have to hand them out or I’ll be fired!” Now I am not heartless, but a large part of me is thinking that since you apparently suck at your job you probably SHOULD be fired. However, IF I had the pieces I could create what she needed in maybe 20 minutes and print it in about an hour.  So I tell her ONE MORE TIME that if she has the pieces she wants on the tickets such as the photo and the logo, I can get her a proof within an hour and we can probably make her deadline. I would need a credit card before we start the printing since you do not have an account with us but I can get that from you after the proof. Suddenly there is more silence on the line.  Perhaps 20 seconds later she says “I can’t just sign for it?” NO YOU CAN’T JUST SIGN FOR IT!  YOU MORON! After running those words thru my head at full volume I calmly tell her “No it has to be paid for before we begin printing”.  She says OK and hangs up. 5 PM came and went with no artwork, no credit card, nothing.  So, if you come across a recently unemployed woman named Urusla, just be forewarned…

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