Wow. I read this story and just don’t know where to go with it. I know it irritated me, but in so many ways I am not sure I can put them all down here. Look, I am TIRED of males, specifically straight white males, of which I am one, being put down all the time. Every commercial with a man and a woman has the man looking like the idiot. Every program out there for education is aimed at improving women’s participation, when they already have more than half the degrees. And now maleness itself is under attack from everywhere. The stupid-ass Gillette internet shit acting as if all men are rapists in waiting. Fuck them.
And then you have articles like THIS, that mock things that many consider to be manly behaviors or skills. “What that means is guys still care about being good at things that have no (or little) practical usage today, while ignoring the growing importance of developing experience and comfort with new types of skill sets.”, the author writes. While yes, there is a small subset of men who seem to be forever stuck in the ‘bro’ mode, he assumes waaay to much that all guys are alike.
1. Hunting was a hugely important skill for much of human history, but in light of the rise of cheap and readily available factory-farmed meat, hunting’s relationship to the food we actually eat has disappeared for the overwhelming majority of the population…Instead, Learn How to Cook for Yourself.
Does Mr. Dumbass think that Bobby Flay gets shunned at dinner parties? And newsflash, most hunters cook what they kill. There is ZERO reason not to know how to do both.
2. It’s a pretty common conception that at the root of every male confrontation is the possibility of physical violence. Road rage incidents, bar standoffs, most guys have found themselves in a situation that felt like a prelude to fisticuffs…Instead, Learn How to Mediate.
Well, when faced with 3 guys who want your lunch money, the only ‘mediation’ that is going to happen is them taking your money, and you either being beat up or caught in a continuous cycle of giving them your money. Fighting should not be your number 1 response. However sometimes you cannot avoid a confrontation and if that is the case, you should know how to defend yourself and get out of that situation. PART of that involves mediation. The rest involves your fists. I had always told my boys when they were growing up that I never wanted to hear that they started a fight. but if they had to get in one, to do every and anything to end it fast, and leave. Then tell me. On a personal level I had a few times where I was bullied while growing up. One beat me up once and never came back, one I fought back and lost, but he never came back and one I kicked his ass. I do not recommend fighting. However I recommend ending it as fast as possible and as decisive as possible.
3. the idea that a car is a guy thing and a guy should be able to fix his car as a result is something that’s pretty ingrained in our cultural beliefs…Instead, Learn How to Code
All the coding in the world isn’t going to change a flat tire, check your oil or replace a worn out wiper blade. You can pay someone else to do that, but do you really want to pay $20 for those wiper blades that you could have bought for $8 and put on yourself? Again, why not learn both? True car guys will learn the ins and outs of the computer modules to increase performance as much as possible.
4. Fixing things at home: Power tools are such a de facto man thing that you’d be hard-pressed to find examples of women using them in most movies or TV shows. Men just are the mechanics of the world, right?…Instead, Learn How to Decorate.
That f*cking sconce or ceiling fan isn’t going to wire and hang itself, idiot.
5. in today’s world, the notion that a man will or must be a leader is increasingly vanishing. What that means is that guys who were brought up expecting to be in control are now having to accept that — gasp! — their boss is a woman. What to do?!..Instead, Learn How to Collaborate
The guy who wrote this should really just stop. This is yet another one that shouldn’t be an either/or, but instead both. The idea that men won’t accept a woman leader is just wrong, as long as the woman leader is competent at whatever she is leading. And GOOD leaders seek out opinions and experiences of those they lead. No, they don’t take votes, but they listen to ideas and objections and evaluate the best course of action. And when not leading they work with those who are to accomplish whatever the task at hand is. On a personal note, by boss at the first ‘real’ job I had after college was a woman. I learned more from her in a year than I feel I got out of 4 years of college.
6. For a long time, the most important aspect of being a father was simply providing for your family, and second, perhaps, was molding your sons into men. That meant being stern with them — even harsh…Instead, Learn How to Communicate With Your Children.
Yes, communicate with your children. But sometimes you just have to use your authority and law down the law. Kids need structure and rules. Yes there can be too much structure and rules, but too little gets you the soyboys we have now that need participation trophies, cringe at criticism and shun human contact over electronic ones. DO BOTH!!!!! Communicate what you need them to do. Most of the time tell them why. Set rules, limits and penalties, then enforce them. If you don’t enforce the rules, you get lawlessness.
7. For a long time, the model man was stoic: the strong, silent type who never cried and wouldn’t admit when something made him sad or afraid…Instead, Learn How to Talk About Your Feelings.
There is a time and place for just about everything. When you are leading, say while fighting a fire, you command the people under you to the best of your ability and direct them how to combat the fire. You don’t take a moment and start talking about your feelings. I am just not sure what he is getting at here. General George S Patton once said “If we take the generally accepted definition of bravery as a quality that knows no fear, I have never seen a brave man. All men are frightened. The more intelligent they are, the more they are frightened.” There is a time and place to discuss your feelings. Fear and saddness are no strangers to men.
So listen here Ian Stobber: your writing sucks. Mine probably does as well, but I don’t get paid for this or claim to be a professional in any way. Your take on being a man is clouded by your cultural leanings and possibly your hatred of the things you feel we should abandon, because perhaps you can’t do them? I can hunt, and cook.I can fight, and mediate. I can change a tire and used to be able to code. (I can, however, do awesome graphic design!) I can fix things at home as well as decorate. My wife also likes it when I pick out clothes for her, as long as I don’t make them too revealing. I am a leader/boss as well as a team player. I like to think that I have raised to very good boys. There was a lot of struggle in the late teen years for both as they yearned for independence before I thought they were ready, but the oldest is a fine your man and the youngest is on his way there. And we communicate, not thru yelling but by honest talk and sharing of expectations. And lastly I talk about my feelings when appropriate but am able to restrain them when needed to finish the job. When my mother in law past away it hurt. I actually liked her and was very saddened. My wife was crushed. Someone had to make the calls, make arrangements and get things moving, so I did. There is a time for feelings, and a time to hold them for a bit. You may have just been going for clickbait (as most of the things I saw you have written were listicles) or maybe your are compensating, I don’t care. Your article and the premise of either/or sucks. And since I am stuck inside on this icy night, you get me releasing my feelings towards your article.