My attempt at fisking an anti-gun skreed

I am not too good at this fisking stuff, but had to try it with this article.  I found myself verbally countering just about every line, so here it is on the screen instead (although with about 50% less swear words).

Link to insanity

Hey there, NRA:

Listen, I know the moments after a gunman opens fire in a school are hectic for you. You have to get your talking points together, you have to mentally prepare to debate a traumatized yet sensible child, you have to look at yourself in the mirror and practice saying that more guns would have made the situation less deadly. It’s a busy time! And since we are always either in the moments after or the moments before a mass shooting, you’re pretty much always busy, I have noticed!

Anyway, I just wanted to drop you a line and let you know that I now actually do want to take your guns.

All of your guns.

Right now.

OK, come and get them.  YOU come and get them.  Don’t be spineless and try and have some nameless police guy do it for you.  Bring it.

It wasn’t always this way. I have responsible gun owners in my family. I’ve never been a fan of shooting at things myself, but guns sure do seem to have brought joy into the lives of some people I love, and as long as they were stored properly, I never had a problem with them being around. I believed that we should place a hurdle or two between a psychopath and an AR-15, but that’s about as ardent as I got. Live and let live, that was my policy. Even with death machines.

Well most people believe there should be hurdles between psychopaths and gun ownership. However with all the laws relating to medical records, just try getting anything put in someone’s file about mental history.  And that isn’t the NRA keeping that out of there, that was more courtesy of your liberal friends, because heaven forbid we ‘stigmatize’ someone with a mental issue.  Wanna keep crazies from getting guns?  You gotta tell us who the crazies are first.  Hey, why don’t you start by grabbing the guns from your family members and smashing them first.  let’s see how that goes around Thanksgiving time.

That has all changed. And you changed it.

All along, as American life has gotten deadlier, as our kids have gotten less safe in their schools, you have had the opportunity to work with the vast majority of Americans who support the sensible reform of our gun laws. You have had the chance to preserve your own rights as we work together to keep our gun regulations in step with gun technology. You haven’t.

Sensible reform.  You guys always throw that out there like it is a panecea.  First off, there is no vast majority of Americans who support what you claim.  Name a specific  reform, then ask someone if they support it. You are going to lose on almost all of them. The things you and your side generally propose would do nothing except hamper legal gun owners.  Waiting periods?  Doesn’t bother crooks who steal their guns.  Magazine limits?  You really have no clue how fast you can reload.  Ban ‘assault rifles’? The last ban worked at stopping guns that LOOKED dangerous.  Most of the things were cosmetic.  And this last guy used a shotgun and a handgun.

All along, there have been opportunities for sensible, incremental changes. This year alone, we could have banned the manufacture of bump stocks, which turn semi-automatic weapons into automatic ones. We could have raised the minimum age for gun ownership from 18 to 21, or instate a national minimum age for long-gun ownership. We haven’t, largely because you have bought our government.

We all know that incremental means that you never fucking stop.  And since you are apparently living in a bubble, the NRA called for restrictions on bump stocks. Oh, and I know it is just semantics, but it doesn’t make the gun an automatic, it makes it simulate automatic fire by facilitating the pulling of the trigger faster.  As for long guns, WTF?  Kids hunt with ‘long guns’.  And an age limit would not have solved anything here.  The kid stole them from his father.  There has been no reporting of how they were stored yet so on that I can’t comment.  Most gun owners do have storage, and the NRA was even giving out free trigger locks thru various police departments.  At least until Moms Have a Hissy Fit stepped in and complained. Apparently partnering with the NRA to hand out free trigger locks is somehow endorsing every single belief that the NRA has or is thought to have. So you are proposing a solution to a problem that didn’t exist. Oh, and this ‘bought our government’ bit?  The NRA donated $7 million total to all candidates.  Michael Bloomburg spent 3 times that HIMSELF on anti gun efforts.

What you have done is double down. What you’ve done is convince your members that the occasional school shooting, the odd literal slaughter of innocents, is an unfortunate but inevitable quirk of American life, a thing that is necessary to preserve freedom. You have taken to our television screens to tell us that the world is an apocalyptic hellscape, and that the only way to be safe from gun violence is to stock our homes with guns.

This is going to sound cold, but yes, an occasional shooting IS part of the price of living in a free society. Just like an occasional criminal going free is part of the price of having a fair judiciary.  Just like the occasional hate speech is part of having free speech. And here you are in your bubble again.  Did you miss where people recently suggested the hardening of schools by controlling entry points and having actual locked doors?   That got met with derision about victim blaming by assholes like you.  “We shouldn’t HAVE to lock our doors. Waaaa!” Well you are right, you shouldn’t.  But there are evil fuckers in this world who are intent on hurting you and/or others and if you fail to acknowledge that then you are the only one to blame when something goes wrong.

You pushed legislation that cut funding from the Centers for Disease Control for research on gun safety in America. Research that might conclude that fewer guns would mean fewer gun deaths, which leaves us with…no meaningful research on gun violence in America. Our ongoing studies on car safety have made cars, roads and highways safer—not without risk, but safer—yet no comparable studies can be done on guns.

Yeah, because maybe the Center for DISEASE Control should focus of, perhaps, DISEASES?  Like e-colli and ebola and stuff. Oh, and they DID study it once, and concluded that there were over 2 MILLION  instances of defensive gun use per year.  That is a lot of lives saved, asshole.

Here’s what you get for that.

The young people of America are now expecting to witness gun violence in their schools. They are sitting in trigonometry waiting for the other shoe to drop, except the shoe can shoot 400 rounds a minute. That’s the result of all your hard work. There’s your prize. Stand up and take it!

Maybe they are expecting it because you are telling them to?  And there are no guns available to the general public that can shoot 400 rounds a minute.  Quit making shit up.

Please also get a load of this guy.

This morning, as an active shooter situation unfolded in his town, this guy decided to show up on the scene with a MAGA hat, a full-size American flag and a pistol on his hip, to…I guess attempt to be a hero? This is what your relentless fear-mongering gets us all: an adult human being taking a gun to a school to be helpful.

I can’t really say much about that guy.  There are stupid people everywhere and this guy is one of them.

I was stunned and sad after Parkland. I was heartened by the efforts of the young people who watch their friends get murdered in front of them. I watched you make nice with them on CNN and then, behind their backs, call them terrorists. And then this morning I watched the same goddamn thing happen again, only this time at a high school in Santa Fe, Texas, where at least ten people are dead. As though all of the marching and organizing and common-sense talking had never happened. As though this ever growing pile of young bodies is worth nothing.

The NRA called Parkland students terrorists? I didn’t see that but so what if they did?  The few that are getting the media attention have called NRA members, including myself, worse.  If you enter the political arena and start swinging you are going to get hit back.  You don’t get a free pass from retaliation because you are a veteran, kid, woman, minority or anything.  If you take a swing you should expect at least one back.  I think it was the guy who was probably your favorite President who said “If they bring a knife to the fight, we bring a gun.”

So now I’m angry. Now I’m finished trying to reason with you. So now I, a guy who was ambivalent about guns just a few years ago, want to take your guns away. All of them. I want to take them all and melt them down and shape them into a giant sphere and then push it at you so you have to run away from it like Indiana Jones for the rest of your lives. I want Ted Nugent to roam the halls of his gunless house, sighing wearily until he dies. I want to end this thing once and for all, so that all of you who have prioritized the sale of guns over the lives of children have to sit quietly and think about what you’ve done. God help me, I want to take all of your guns out of your hands, by myself, right now.

Like I said in the first paragraph, come and get them. You won’t because you are spineless.  To you , your excuse of an article is ‘doing something’.  The dirty work of taking guns is beneath you. Oh, and when has your side EVER tried ‘reasoning’ with us?  It has always been ‘shut up and let me explain to you why guns are bad, and if you don’t agree well then you are an evil gunny with a small penis’. You argue with emotion only.  Sorry dude, your feelz don’t trump my rights.

It won’t happen, of course. So let’s meet in the middle. Let’s meet at…literally anything.

It’s happening. We tried it your way, and it really did not work. The ground is shifting. Get ready.

The ground is shifting, but probably not the way you would want it to. There are solutions for some of these, but you don’t want to entertain those, or if you do, they are way too expensive or not socially acceptable.

You can start by enforcing the laws we already have on the books.  Straw purchasing is a huge problem and one of the main ways that criminals get guns.  Yet many straw purchasers are not prosecuted to the fullest extent.  Many are just given probation and let loose.  These cases are usually an easy win for DA’s to inflate their stats, but because they are usually minorities, they tend to shy away from them.  You can enforce the penalties that are called for on violent crime.  Armed robbers get out on bail in 2 years.  WFT?  When you hear of someone being arrested for robbery or shooting someone and their rap sheet is 4 pages long, there is a problem somewhere that needs to be addressed, and it ISN’T my AR-15. You can make the various government agencies actually talk to each other.  If someone is dishonorably discharged, perhaps that should be put into the NICS system so that they can’t get a gun.  Domestic violence?  Police need to report it to the appropriate agencies.  The background check system we have now works, IF it has the appropriate information to use.  Garbage in-garbage out. No new ‘comprehensive’ system will stop that. Do you even know what that means?  Most people seem to think that it means a really deep background check.  It doesn’t.  It means that you want to have EVERY transaction have a background check.  Want ammo?  Background check.  Want more ammo next week?  Another background check.  And these checks aren’t free.  Right now they run anywhere from $25 on up to $50. And who would that effect?  Legal gun owners like me.  So let me just interject here with a heart-felt ‘go fuck yourself’. You also need to find a way that people with mental issues that could be violent to be reported to the system.  Good luck with that one.  mental health advocates will take you to court forever and a day on that front. Perhaps you could argue for a voluntary no-guns list?  The idea has some merit but has found few backers on the anti-gun side.  Wonder why?

So after all is said and done, you talk a mean game but don’t really walk any walk.  A serious question for you: regarding the shooting at Stoneman, are you at all angry at the schools failure to protect the kids?  Or at the Coward County Sheriffs who cowered outside while he killed more kids?  Or at the school administrators for shuttling him around from school to school until he exploded?  Or at his classmates for bullying him? Or at the school district for its failed policies of NOT reporting criminal activity thereby rewarding MORE criminal activity?  While I can understand your hatred towards guns (I don’t agree with it but I can understand it) I do not understand why you don’t place any blame at all in the many areas where it is deserved.

2 thoughts on “My attempt at fisking an anti-gun skreed

  1. The one thing I always find laughable about the argument is when people like the Parkland students contend that the NRA has all the Senators that are bought and paid for. They seem to think that the NRA money makes them pro-second amendment. When in fact is it is the exact opposite in that the NRA gives the money because they already support the Second Amendment. It’s not like if the NRA took away their $5,000, Mark Rubio is suddenly going to become anti-gun


  2. Sadly I would partially disagree with you. There are more than one that would have no problem going the other way were they to stop getting NRA money because they would then be soliciting, and getting, Bloomberg money. But for the most part you are correct.


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