Weekly Microaggressions

Things that pissed me off but were too small for a stand alone post.

  •  Customer emails me a file and has no message attached.  No quantity, paper, color or anything.  Just a phone number.  So I call and say that I got the file, what the fuck do you want me to do with it? ( Customer service filter changed that to ‘what would you like me to do with it, but the other version was running in my head) “I need copies” she says.  I wait for a second to see if there would be more information forthcoming, but alas, none was to be had. “How many, what kind of paper and black or color printing?”  I ask.  I get “I dunno, hold on” and then she puts the phone down.  All this is information you think you would have when you are placing an order. She then comes back and says “I need about 50. regular paper is fine and its all black.  Except for one picture.”  Well then you dumbass, it is a color print, not black.
  • Customer originally wanted a mailing consisting of a newsletter, reply envelope and an outer envelope to go out on October 15. They got me final artwork YESTERDAY, November 30.  They just called me today asking if it would make the mail today.  I am fast, but not a miracle worker.  The answer is ‘no fucking way.’
  • Guy walks in and makes 5 copies.  $.50 is his total.  He wants to pay me with a $50 bill.  Fuck off, you don’t have change in your car for fifty cents? I gave him his change in singles and quarters.
  • Not more than 30 minutes later a different guy comes in and gets $1 worth of copies and wants to pay with a debit card.  Same swear words erupt in my brain.  We are not a cashless society yet, why can’t you carry at least a buck on you somewhere?  or in your car? Lazy worthless piece of crap!
  • Creating a menu for a local restaurant.  Now I know everything there is to running a restaurant, I watched Restaurant Rescue and all those other shows on Food Network!  At least I do know that your menu shouldn’t be too big.  This place has a 11″ x 17″ sheet both sides stuffed full of items.  Should be 5 – 10 apps, he has 18.  Should be 4 or 5 salads, he has 12.  You get the idea.  A month ago I had to find room to squeeze a chart for pizza he was now going to offer.  I had to find about 5″ in one of the columns to get this to fit. With some creative editing, shrinking of spaces between the lines and point sizes, I found it.  Monday he comes in and now want to also offer a deep dish variant.  But I can’t just add a line or two with additional pricing, he wants another chart like the regular pizza one.  Where the fuck am I going to get 4 more inches of space?  Maybe I can talk him into removing a few salads…
  • Due to a loan we took out for a large format printer, from time to time I get calls from lending institutions looking to lend me business  capital.  Awesome!  it isn’t even my company and they want to give me money!  I try to be nice, but when I try and explain that I am not who they want to talk to and that the owner is only in about once a week, half the time they hang up before I am done.  Fuck that, now I hang up before they can get out 2 words.   Besides, if I was going to take a loan from some random place that called me unsolicited, I would probably have done it from one of the first 2 or 3, not the 50th one.

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