You want it when?

So maybe 30 minutes ago (1:00 PM) this guy comes in and says he wants some flyers and event tickets made. Sure, not a problem. Do you have artwork already. “Yes” he says, and grabs his phone and shows me an email with a jpeg embedded it it. “Can you take a picture of that and use it?” he asks. I count to ten silently before telling him that no, I can’t just ‘take a picture of it’ and asking him if he could forward the email to us. “Sure” he says, then asks for our email. I give it to him 4 times. He keeps entering it wrong. He then asks to text it to me. No, not happening.  You are NOT getting my personal cell number.  Ever.  Finally 15 minutes later I take his phone and do it for him. I get the email and of course the jpeg was embedded into the message and not an attachment. That meant that his 72 dpi jpeg was of even LOWER quality than had it been just as an attachment. So I tell him that this won’t print very well due to the low quality of the file being a 72 dpi jpeg.  He then asks what files and sizes I need, so I tell him. He then goes into his phone and tries to just change the suffix to make it work.  Then tries to save his low resolution email as a high resolution email.  Dumbass, if it started off as a low you can’t just magically make it high by re-saving it. he then asks if he can have it by 5 PM.  Today.  Dude, you still don’t have a file I can print from yet.  SUPPOSED to be emailing me the original.  We’ll just let this post sit in the queue for a little bit and see how it turns out. Customers driving me to drink…


OK, just before 2 PM he emails me a file.  What he wanted printed was 250 full color flyers (no problem, take 5 minutes or less) and 140 tickets, numbered and perfed.  Those would take longer. Numbering while printing digitally is really only an extra 5 minutes of setup, but the perfing takes time.  Perfing before you print makes the paper not lay flat causing jams in the printers.  Jams mean you have to restart the numbering file where it left off to avoid duplicate or missing numbers.  Perfing after you print means that any jams require you to go back in and print whatever sheet(s) are needed to replace the bad ones. Now the color flyer he sent is OK.  Some of the pictures are a bit fuzzy but you can make things out and it was way better than what we got from his phone.  The tickets, not so much.  The file was abut 22k.  It looked sucky on the screen! So I just finished calling him and letting him know that the file wouldn’t work.  he now has 2 options.  I need the art by 3PM if he wants these today.  or he can pay me $40 and I will set these here, using a stock pic that is close. He says he will  ‘get back to me’.  Well, he better do it soon.

3:15, past the deadline I gave him to accomplish the Herculean tack of turning around his tickets before I close, I get an email.  It says that he is having trouble getting the artwork and doesn’t have the $40 for me to recreate it.  It will have to wait until next week.  WTF?!?!  If it can now wait until next week, why the big push to get me to change things around and do it today?  You wanted to do a power trip and get me to rush something that didn’t need to be? Oh man, the words are lining up in my head right now so fast I am not sure I could even type them, much less say them.  I am going to jack the price up on this SOB come Monday, I just don’t care.  I give awesome customer service, until you screw me. AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!

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