“Wrong way, asshole!”

I am not a man of patience.  I do not suffer fools lightly, even when that fool is myself.  The first of what I am sure will be many driving rants concerns parking lots.  Is there anyone more deserving of a slap to the head that idiots who back into angled parking?  When you exit you are going the wrong way.  I always yell at these people when I see them and my wife either hides her face or tells me to be quiet.

Well on Tuesday I happened to be going to WalMart, a place where that happens often, and a setting for more stories to come. As I am pulling in and driving the CORRECT way down the aisle looking for parking, one such moron who was parked wrong pulled out and started heading towards me, the WRONG way. So I stopped, right in the middle of the lane.  Again, I am going the correct way.  I see the guy in the other car start saying something and motioning for me to move so he can get by.   I just sit there and shake my head. This apparently infuriated him as the hand gestures got a bit more wild and I can tell that his volume went up.  I still sit there, but lower my radio and roll down the window to see if he is at least uttering anything creative my way.

No dice. All I hear is “get out of the way you fucking faggot!” So in a weird moment of patience I put my car in park and cross my arms, smiling. NOW the words come fast and furious.  Faggot, asshole, fucker, they are all coming out now. So I lean out a bit and yell back “You are going the wrong way you ignorant waste of brain cells!”.  I then drive forward just a bit, and on an angle so there is no way he can squeeze around me. Oh boy, that worked.  Hands flying, he is beating on his steering wheel, “fucker” seems to be the only words I hear now.

We are now about 3 minutes into this, you would think he would be tired by now, but no, he keeps swearing at me, as if his words of endearment would somehow sway my resolve.  Another minute passes by when I think he had a stroke or something because he just stopped all his swearing and movements and just backed up the aisle to his original spot and used that to turn around and go the right way.

So I pull forward and park in the spot he vacated.  I leave my car and start tot he door, but my utter lack of faith in people tells me to be aware, so I look around and sure enough, here comes that guy from the back of the lot, driving down the aisle towards where my car is.  Fortunately for me,t here is a police officer sitting right by the door, so I stroll up and briefly explain what had happened and point towards my car, telling him I am afraid that this crazy guy might do something to me or my car.  The cop and I observe the guy stop in the middle of the aisle and get out of his car, and start walking towards mine.

“Whoop!” goes the police siren once, as he takes off and drives right up there.  The guy stops, hesitates for a bit and then walks over to the cop as he is called, says something briefly, and then gets back in his car and leaves. The cop drives back where I am standing and just says that he admires my principle but suggests that i try to not anger people if I can help it in the future.  Also says that he will stick around the lot for a few minutes, which is cool because i only needed one thing.  I had (still have) the idiot’s  license number and car make/model, plus a picture on my phone. Wonder what he thought he was gonna do? Should have waited until he scratched up my car or something then he could have paid for a new paint job.

Moral of the story? Do’t back into angled parking!

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